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An Unfortunate Event in 32nd Street


   The New York skyline looked fantastic for a greedy company executive up in the 57th floor, whose spacious yet cluttered, superfluously-designed office overlooks the entire Big Apple.

- "Get me some Starbucks!", yells the wealthy, poorly-clothed New Yorker to his assistant weirdly named Pimpeey Penelope.

- "Hey you! Follow up next week's schedule, sync my files to my BlackBerry. Hurry dumb!"

Evil. Purely mean.

- "After getting my latte, go down over Times Square. Give my manuscript to Roger, my publisher."

A homeless man outside Benjamins Building where the Darth Sith CEO lavishly enjoys corporate privileges and freebies (and ample supply of beluga caviar), bumps into the assistant.

- "Hey there, beauty chick, do 'ya  have some dough there?"

Pimpeey ignored the man, she puked, walked away frantically.

As Pimpeey turned her back, the creepy-crazy douche grabbed her ass tight. It wasn't just a simple pinch, it was his greatest pleasure since hooking up with an 18-year old Las Vegas socialite two months ago.

- "Shit, babe! What an enormous ass!", exclaimed the man.

Just as a lightning strikes, Pimpeey's reflex spares nobody; a hard slap falls to the man's wrinkled face, he fell down the ground, crying in pain.

- "For Christ's sake, lady, violence much?", angrily yelled Bob the hot-dog vendor across the street. "It's an 80-year old man, and he's homeless for Pete's sake!"

The man died.

People gathered around the scene; sandwich, boobies, soda pops everywhere.

- "What is going on in here?", said the greedy CEO.

Pimpeey wonders why her boss is even outside. He rarely goes out alone. Oftentimes, he is escorted by a legion of twenty-five men in black suits - some people mistaken them as the guy's toy boys. Normally, he is enclosed in a protective, bullet-proof, airtight fiber glass box with fancy lights on it. The only way he can breathe from within is a specially-made tube that resembles a human genitalia.

Pimpeey realized that almost 30 minutes had passed - her boss's latte is now cold, she threw it to the dead man's body.

- "Pimpeey, what did you do?"

His assistant was silent.

"That woman killed the man.", whispered a stranger beside the CEO.

- "For Christ's sake, Penelope!"

The CEO turns to the unsuspecting policeman, who was busy flirting with a prostitute  - they were sexing while the situation was going on - beneath an ice cream kiosk.

- "Officer, arrest this woman. And you get rid of that dead body, George will feast on it if still lies there. Give it to the community college down the Pumpkin Street.", said the CEO commandingly.

- "And get me some ice cream! Hey you, my assistant is gone, I'll pay you five bucks, get me a chocolate ice cream with chocolate chips on top. Over there, there from that kiosk where that bastard policeman pumped that bitch's mouth."

The CEO ate his ice cream. It tasted funny ans salty, as he had expected.

"That's why I divorced that crazy woman. She's a psycho. She just kills a lot of people."

The CEO went back to his usual business. He was diagnosed with AIDS the next day.

Ice cream and marriage aren't just the best things in the world.

                                                                                                                                                  - EACM Φ

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